Not Rock Bottom, but Almost

So I have been in protective custody for a week now.  A lot has changed in a week.  The first 2 days, I spent a lot of time thinking, sorting through my emotions, crying and praying.  After that I said I need to get focused on the here and now and getting back on the path.  I realized those first 2 days that I strayed so far away from God that I didn’t even realize it.

It is like a young child with their Mom at a big department store that gets “lost” or separated from their parents.  I did this a lot when I was younger.  Trust me, ask my Mom.  Haha!  Anyway, back to the kid.  So the kid is like on his own, exploring, smiling, taking in this huge store.  This goes on for 10 minutes.  Then the kid stops and he/she senses something isn’t right.  They look around then and notice their Mom or Dad isn’t there.  They get all frantic and worried and start bawling their eyes out.

Finally, someone helps the child reunite with their parent.  Of course, the parent is furious, worried, nervous, mad, sad, and probably just hysterical.  However, the first thing the parent does (or should do) is give the child a hug and tell them “It’s okay.  I’m here.  I love you.”  Then later, after they are both settled down, tell the child to stay with them, blah, blah, blah.

See the main part of this story is the reuniting part.  That is how I felt.  I had gone so far away, exploring on my own; and I finally realized “Hey, something is wrong.”  I can’t handle the pressures of this situation on my own.  I was exploring different religions, putting Christianity on the back burner; putting my faith in people, in food, in cards, and so on.  Then one day a whole bunch of crap happened.  I got really scared, looked around and said, “Wait, where is my Dad?” and I lost it.  I was about to burst out in tears right there in the block.  I didn’t know what to do anymore.  I was lost.

So I got to “the hole” and broke down.  I cried and cried and cried.  I worked to start getting back into God’s loving arms, but part of me was still resisting.  I had been gone for so long.  I knew God still loved me  I know that, but it took a while for the pain to go away.  The pain from doing my own thing.  It was rough.  But today, I sit here and say “I can’t do this life without you, God and Jesus.”  I just can’t.  It is not in my being or anyone’s to live a peaceful, happy life without God and Jesus in our lives.  I knew this, but I still strayed away.  It is easy to do.

We so often get caught up in this world… in our busy lives, that we sometimes forget.  I encourage you to spend at least an hour a day in prayer, devotion, God’s word and Christian meditation.  I have, fortunately, had the time to spend more than an hour a day with God for the last week.

I am currently devising a plan to keep it up wherever I end up.  I see, now more than ever, how important it is. I am praying every day to be stronger in my faith and to have more devotion and discipline when it comes to my walk with Jesus.  I also encourage you all to watch the movie “War Room.”  It is about how to let God fight your battles and prayer.  It is an excellent movie. I am going to leave you with 2 verses that stuck with me last night and I meditated on.

“So we too should run the race that is before us and never quit.  We should remove from our lives anything that would slow us down, and the sin that so often makes us fall.  Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end.”  – Hebrews 12: 1-2


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