I normally don’t write about particular people, but I have felt led to write this blog. When I got here, I was in H2 South block, and I met some great guys quickly. The second or third day I was playing rummy with the guys. This other guy came out that I had not seen around. He sat down near us and asked if he could play the next round. Come to find out he hardly ever came out of his room. He joined us the next game and it was really hard to play with 5 people. I volunteered to leave the game. That way, he could play. I had already played a game, and I was fine.
Over the next couple of days I started eating with Jason. And the next day he was in his room. One of the usual players was playing cards with another group, so I went to Jason’s room and invited him to play. He was hesitant but came out and played. We got to talking, and I found out he was in choir. We started talking about it, and he talked to the Chaplain. I went to choir the following Friday and sat next to Jason. I was no longer in H2 South block. I had been moved to H1 South block. It took me some time to adjust because the guys were more direct and not as laid back.
It was good to see Jason and over the past 2 1/2 weeks I have started to form a friendship with him. Not the “How is your day friendship?” but a deeper friendship. We were at choir yesterday and at the end, we get into groups to pray. I joined up with Jason and David. David has known Jason for a little longer. Well, the Chaplain talked about putting your full trust and hope in God. He also brought up a counseling session about a woman who discovered the little girl in her and told the little girl that she would be there for her. She had some damage from the past that was blocking her from moving on in her adult life. I identified with this, because my counselor did the same thing with me. I have a big fear of abandonment. It is better now, but I still struggle with it. I was crying my eyes out after this, it was so emotional.
Anyway, so we are in our prayer group, and Jason brought up the inner child. He struggled with this bad and has huge trust issues, and fear of abandonment. He said that sometimes he doesn’t see the point in living. He has always dealt with bullying, abuse, and not trusting people. People often left him without letting him know why as well. We prayed for him, and he cried to God to help him to comfort the inner child in him. He started crying, weeping in the middle of the prayer. I started crying too.
It was so powerful. Ever since that moment I can’t stop thinking about being there for him. He is a great guy. I have prayed for him numerous times. I know his struggle. I understand. There are a lot of people out there that struggle with something similar. It is hard to do, but you have to start discovering and facing your past. Then you have to let it go and move forward with your life. Also don’t blame your past for who you are. But understand your past. Take responsibility for you and your choices. YOU make the choices you make, not anyone else.
I would ask that you all pray for Jason. That he will be able to cure his wounds and understand his story.